


can't be on my own without you

by akinoriko



Series: Kuroken Week 2018 [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ... kinda. I'm really bad with angst forgive me, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Kenma wears skirt but I only mention it like once, Kuroo loves his leather jacket, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-21 01:12:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16566749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akinoriko/pseuds/akinoriko
Summary: “Just because it’s old doesn’t mean I should throw it away.” Kuroo holds the hem of the jacket with his thumb and forefinger, looking down at the cloth fondly before looking back at Kenma. “Plus it still fits, right?”It doesn’t. It looks small on you now, Kenma wanted to say. But he knew Kuroo would know it was a lie. Kenma has never been good at lying.Well, it’s either that, or Kuroo just knows him too well.





	can't be on my own without you

**Author's Note:**

> Kuroken Week 2018:  
> Day 2 || 12th || Piercings || **Leather Jacket** || **Skirts** /Heels
> 
> Title is from [Oh Wonder's Without You.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLAhRiUeJ8E)

A sane person wouldn’t think of wearing leather jacket in the middle of summer. But of course, Kuroo is nowhere near this, Kenma had categorized him as someone who is completely crazy since long before. Kuroo would rather bath himself with sweat under his thick clothes only to look “cool and intimidating” in the eyes of strangers. Kenma will never understand why his boyfriend cares so much about other people’s opinion.

He had this question inside his head since he met Kuroo fifteen years ago.

When they were still young and innocent, Kuroo felt insecure playing volleyball because other kids told him how it was a lame sport. “They said I looked cool playing soccer anyway so I’ll stick with that,” he had said with forced smile. Kenma could still remember those days as clear as a cloudless sky.

Kenma would have loved to play volleyball with Kuroo, but he never told him this as the raven never invited him to play.

They were still young and innocent that time but now that Kenma’s reminiscing, he wish he could go back in time and slap his young self for being so selfish.

Kenma could see it. If he could change the past, he would see Kuroo playing his favorite sport with his best friend, wearing a genuine smile. He could hear Kuroo’s voice screaming at him to do well, to extend his arms while setting, to run faster to catch the ball.

_ What are the scientists have been doing so far? This world needs a time machine _ , Kenma thinks.

If he could go back in time and change everything, Kuroo won’t be here with him in their dirty and old apartment, in front of their mirror, fixing his ridiculous hair wearing his equally ridiculous jacket.

“Why are you still wearing that?” Kenma questioned as he sat by the edge of their shared bed, crossing his legs over the other, the fabric of his skirt slipping higher over his thigh and leaning back with the support of his hands.

Kuroo looks at him without turning his head, hands stilled on the top of his head. “You gave this to me.”

Kenma huffed at him. “I know. But it has been years. Why?”

Kuroo straighten up and letting his arms fall by his sides, walking to stand closely in front of Kenma.

“Just because it’s old doesn’t mean I should throw it away.” Kuroo holds the hem of the jacket with his thumb and forefinger, looking down at the cloth fondly before looking back at Kenma. “Plus it still fits, right?”

_ It doesn’t. It looks small on you now _ , Kenma wanted to say. But he knew Kuroo would know it was a lie. Kenma has never been good at lying.

Well, it's either that, or Kuroo just knows him too well.

Kenma hummed instead, letting his gaze fall to the floor. Even without looking up at Kuroo, he knew he got his head tilted to the side, figuring what Kenma’s words would be next.

“Don’t you regret?” Kenma asks, all way too sudden.

“Regret what?” Kuroo turned to sit beside him on the bed, worry evident in his eyes as he stares at Kenma.

He planted both of his feet on surface of the floor while playing with his fingers on his lap. He can’t bring himself to pretend anymore. Kenma gets antsy each day passes by. He thought he could brush it off by playing his games or joking around with Kuroo. But no. He was just feeling worse and he knew it was the time to talk to Kuroo about it.

~~_ Kuroo would have had a better life if it weren’t for you. _ ~~

“You think..” He started, heaving a deep sigh before continuing. “.. _ we _ could have a better life if you — I—”

“If we didn’t met?” Kuroo interrupts.

Kenma froze at his words and didn’t stop himself from turning his head towards the raven, eyes widening.

He was expecting to see anger in Kuroo’s expression, or disappointment.

But all he sees is love in his eyes. Just like every other day.

Kuroo was leaning down, peeking at Kenma’s expression as his arms were lazily hanging in between of his thighs. He’s looking straight at Kenma’s eyes. It was the face Kuroo shows whenever he tries to decode Kenma; he knew this face very well.

“If I didn’t come back to your place after my dad greeted your family when he just moved?” He tries again. Kuroo waited a moment before continuing, Kenma still frozen. “If I forced you to play volleyball with me?”

He leaned straight back and closed his eyes, holding his chin high up and his hand over his chin. “If you didn’t accept my confession?”

“No!” Kenma shouted his response in a heartbeat.  _ That’s not it at all _ , he wanted to say. But his lips were frozen, tears itching the back of his eyes. “No..” he repeated in a lower voice, hanging his head low.

Kuroo smiled softly and placed a hand over Kenma’s thigh. “I know,” he whispered as he lips made contact with Kenma’s forehead.

The blonde didn’t stop the tears this time. “You could have had a better life, Kuro. You know that.” Kenma’s voice started to shake whenever he forces himself to speak, a hand reaching out to hold the hem of Kuroo’s jacket.

He dreamed big, Kenma knew this. Kuroo didn’t stop dreaming until they finished middle school, but because he chose to hang out with Kenma— because he chose to be by Kenma’s side, he didn’t get to reach any of his dreams.

“I could have had a different life if I did pursue my dream of becoming a national player.” Kenma flinched slightly at his words. It was exactly what was inside his head but that doesn’t mean he could brush off the pain in his chest after hearing it directly from him.

Kuroo wrapped his arms around Kenma, pulling him closer.

“But that doesn’t mean it would be a better life for me.”

Kenma pressed his face on Kuroo’s shoulder, failing to suppress his tears any longer and his hold to his jacket tightening. Kuroo squeezed Kenma even tighter and kissed the top of his head, leaving his lips there as he spoke.

“I won’t trade you for anything, Kenma.”

He should have expected this. He should have known Kuroo would blow away all his worries just like he does every single time he breaks down. Kenma don’t deserve Kuroo but he chose him so he’ll keep him even if the whole world turns up against him.

It took quite some time for Kenma to calm down, Kuroo still holding him close. Kenma released himself from Kuroo’s arms and smiles up at him. Kuroo mirrored his smile and patted his head.

“You do believe in reincarnation, right?” Kuroo says after a while.

“I do.”

“Some says if you do regret some things, you just have to wish harder so when you get reincarnated, they won’t do the things you’ve done in this lifetime.”

Kenma snorted. “Who said that?”

“Just me.” Kuroo dropped his head on Kenma’s lap as they both laughed.

“You could have write a book with that.” Kenma says as he placed a hand over Kuroo’s forehead, looking down at him.

Kuroo hummed at the suggestion, closing his eyes. “Nah, I’d rather stay here with you. I’ll just be a writer in my next life.”

It was dumb for both of them to depend on their reincarnation like how Kuroo were telling him to. However he can’t help but cling to his boyfriend’s words. “Do you think we’ll still be together in our next lives?”

“Definitely.”

“But what if—”

“I’ll find you.”

Kuroo opened his eyes, looking up at him with stern eyes. “We’ll definitely find each other and be together no matter what.” He touched Kenma’s right hand and placed it on his chest.

Kenma could feel his beating heart, smiling at how it’s in the same rhythm as his.

_ We’ll always find each other _ , Kenma tells him. Kuroo will always be able to find him, like how he did when they first met. And he believed they will in their next time, and even after that.

They might have a different life by then, might also be worse than what they have at the moment, might make careless decisions than they have made, but they both know they’ll always have each other.

And that would be enough for them to keep on living.

 

* * *

 

“—nma! Kenma!”

The blonde buried his face on the pillow as he heard the familiar voice yelling his name from the other side of his door. “Five more minutes,” he whispered to himself.

Not a minute later, his door opened with a loud  _ bang! _ that jolted him awake! He pulled his blanket over his head only to get pulled by the intruder.

“Kenma! You’re not even up yet! We’ll be late for practice!” Kuroo whined.

“Five more minutes,” Kenma repeated loud enough for Kuroo to hear.

Even with his eyes closed, he knew Kuroo was shaking his head. Not too long after, he felt Kuroo tugging on both of his arms, pulling him to sit. He whined, keeping his eyes closed.

“C’mon, Kenma. Move it.”

Kuroo pulled the blanket off his legs which made Kenma whine louder. He opened his eyes this time and planted both of his feet on the floor, a hand on his head. “I’m getting up, stop talking.”

Kenma walked to the bathroom to wash his face and gets back to his room only to find Kuroo sitting on his bed, holding a leather jacket. He didn’t mention anything about it as he walked to where his uniform were hanged.

“You have it,” Kuroo says.

Kenma hummed to acknowledge the raven, pulling his pants up.

“I’ve been looking for this in a while. I didn’t know I left it here.”

“Two weeks ago.”

Kuroo turned his head to Kenma.

“You left it here two weeks ago, after we went out to shop and you stayed the night.” Kenma explained, slipping his arms through his uniform blazer.

Kenma didn’t have to explain anything but words slipped out before he managed to stop them and if he were to be honest, it is embarrassing, yet he can’t bring himself to take anything back. He wasn’t even sure if Kuroo knew the reason why the jacket is on his bed instead of it folded away inside his drawer. But with the smile his boyfriend is wearing, Kenma stopped doubting.

“We’re going to be late, you know. Yaku’s going to yell at you again for being a bad captain.”

Kuroo snorted, leaving the jacket on his bed as he stood up. “You’re right.” He watched Kenma slip his bag over his shoulders and held his hand out. Kuroo took his hand with a faint blush evident on his cheeks.

Kenma blushed as well as he walked out of his room first, dragging Kuroo with him. He did try to hide his face from his boyfriend but the moment he heard Kuroo chuckle from behind and say,  _ Yeah, let’s go _ he already knew he failed miserably.

Yet he can’t bring himself to regret anything.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not very happy with this but I hope you all enjoyed reading this anyway. Kudos and comments are very much appreciated.
> 
> Find me on twitter: @bishamoan_


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